The Hindu Business Line : Trial of the trident

ONE of the decorative pieces one may find in the Chennai office of the ICAI's president is an artistic knife, which I am sure some branch or chapter of the institute would have presented to him as a memento.

But when Togadia's face is all over the place for having distributed tridents to people, and Amar Singh is also in the news for giving away swords, one needs to review the policy of what to give and what not.

A few common questions:

We are a computer company and we want to give mice away. Advise.

You are referring to computer mouse, the pointer device that suffers in silence in the hands of everybody. Prima facie, there is no hitch, but there is only one irksome connection with mythology.

VHP says the trident or the trishul is the symbol of Lord Shiva. Mouse, that way, is the authorised transporter of Ganesha. So, a better idea would be to give away mouse pad, instead.

For instance, nobody would have arrested Praveen if only he had doled out trishul-holders.

How about distributing pet bottles with petrol?

This would be a yeomen service because the city's bunks have gone dry and transporters are holding all vehicle owners to ransom.

You can be guaranteed of queues right up to the next city, once you begin your charity.

But cops can see it as an act abetting arson and violence because the easily-transportable petrol can be used as the common weapon, viz. petrol bomb.

At the marriage hall, they are distributing a colourful packet!

That must be the customary bye-bye where they put a coconut, banana, betel leaves and supari.

A tactical analysis, however, would show that there could be pre-meditated violence with `a conspiracy to wage war' as its underpinnings, if only people pull out the coconut and hurl the same at shop-windows or break the nuts on baldpates.

Every year we distribute pens free to students. Now we are worried.

I understand your anxiety. Because there is an old saying that pen is mightier than sword.

As such also, one can cause enough damage with a pen on the loose. This year, therefore, you can give the cap, next year the barrel, and so on, so as not to attract the draconian sedition provisions. If only Togadia had followed this CKD model, he could have made assemblable trishuls.

I have written a tax-planning book and I want to give complimentary copies.

Hey, wait, unless you are too foolish. What is tax planning? To pay less tax.

And you want to tell the secrets to everybody — just as Sri Ramanuja shouted from rooftops the holy word — and the net result would be less inflow into the Government's kitty. And you think they will keep quiet?

No objection to distributing music CDs free?

Assuming the contents don't incite violence, we have to analyse if the disc can be used for violence.

Unfortunately, the answer is yes, because if you put your index finger into the middle of the CD and rotate the disc, it would look like the deadly sudarsana chakra.

Also, don't forget how Oddjob used a bowler hat in Goldfinger to slice off throats.

SayCheek@hotmail.com

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