‘Size matters to real men,’ reads the English headline of a mostly Polish flyer, featuring knights in shining armour against the backdrop of what I recognise — from captioned postcards in my hotel room — as Malbork Castle. The tacky headline and pixellated image apart, the flyer has my attention as it also seems to quote from Lonely Planet . Flummoxed, I turn to my Polish friend and guide, Renata, for translation. She reads through the verbose copy, and adds to my confusion with cryptic clues like, “Malbork hits visitor like a tonne of bricks”. Finally, en route to the castle, she reveals that Malbork is Europe’s largest construction in brick, and the largest castle in the world. Sprawled over 52 acres, this UNESCO World Heritage Site is four times the size of UK’s Windsor Castle.

At first glimpse, the panorama seems like something out of a fairytale (had I known the history of Malbork, however, it would have perhaps, seemed less Disney and more Tim Burtonesque). The red brick structure stands starkly against the clear blue skies, even as its intimidating reflection falls on the placid Nogat river.

On the castle grounds, I feel like a child again, fascinated by the massive walls, turrets and towers, defences and dungeons. And stepping onto the drawbridge, my fantasy turns ever more real as I spot a Teutonic Knight in the distance. Walking towards me in a flowing white robe, with a black cross sewn prominently on the mantle, is our costumed guide, Michaelek. A ‘vision’, until her Nike shoes, peeking from beneath the hem of her robe, give her away.

With deadpan delivery in keeping with the character she portrays, Michaelek explains that Malbork, or Marienburg (Mary’s Castle) as it was originally named, was built in the 13th century by the warmongering German religious crusaders, the Teutonic Knights. The order was formed to aid Christians on their pilgrimages to the Holy Land, but it soon grew to have military powers. They were invited to the country by the High Duke of Poland, Konrad I, to defend its borders against pagan Prussians. Mighty and victorious, the knights also found mention in the prologue to Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales, which, like Michaelek, waxes eloquent on the knights who were “honoured everywhere for worthiness”.

Walking past the iron gates and into the courtyard of what Michaelek refers to as the Middle Castle, we discover that a structure of this size had to be built in several stages. Work on the High Castle started in 1272, the Middle and the Lower Castle followed, ending in 1406. Each of the thousands of bricks that were used weighed a whopping 10kg, and Michaelek, with her trained eye, is quick to spot the original bricks apart from later restorations. Aesthetics also meets science here as the knights employed ducted heating systems, unheard of in those times.

From rooms filled with armour, uniforms and rudimentary weapons to damp, dreaded dungeons reeking of fear, each corner of Malbork portrays a different side of the knights’ lives. But if there’s one area I had to pick, it’d be the Grand Masters residence in the Middle Castle. The elegant interiors come with columns that resemble palm trees to remind the knights of ‘their roots, the Holy land’.

Yet, perhaps, the most fascinating anecdotes rise from the castle’s toilets. Perched high in a tower, the loos were used to execute enemies — the knights overfed their guests, and when they went to relieve themselves, a gentle push is all it took to send them hurtling down to a moat. The method is ingenious but unbelievably coarse, and my thoughts seem to align with that of an uninhibited little boy, who sums it up with brevity: “No shit!”

Ultimately, it was the hosts that got the better of the knights. Hankering for power, as they usurped land from Poland — a classic case of guests overstaying their welcome — one of the fiercest Medieval battles was fought and won by the Poles. “Perhaps, the only war they won!” chuckles Michaelek.

Eventually, Malbork was taken over by the Poles, thanks largely to the work of a spy. But not before another legend gained currency — during the war, the Poles heard of a meeting taking place in the dining area of the Grand Master’s residence. But it wasn’t so much a meeting as a prayer to their patron saint, Mary. The Poles fired a cannon ball aiming for the column that held up the residence. But the knights’ prayers were answered, and even today, a cannon ball is wedged in the column.

A tour of Malbork is rife with stories of blood and gore, myth and legend, loyalty and spies. I feel as though I’ve walked into a period drama. And yet, this 13th-century structure echoes the modern times, plagued with familiar issues of war and religion. As I go back to Renata’s first descriptor, which now appears to be more than just a flippant pun, Malbork does seem to hit its visitors ‘like a tonne of bricks’, forcing them to question morality and society, faith and crusades.

TRAVEL LOG

Get there : Warsaw is connected to most Indian metros by one-stop flights. Malbork is four hours away by road from the capital city.

Stay : Since Malbork is a rural town, make a day visit, and stay nearby at the buzzing port city of Gdansk (30km). Try the Hilton Gdansk, overlooking the Motlawa river (from approx. ₹7,500; >hiltongdansk.pl.EN ) or the quirky, pocket-friendly Happy Seven Hostel (approx. ₹500-7,000; >happyseven.com )

BL Ink Tip : In Gdansk, save some time for the Oliwa Cathedral, and a church recital featuring a rare 18th century pipe organ.

( Kiran Mehtais a Mumbai-based journalist )

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