The biggest trick that depression pulls on you is making you think you are truly alone in your pain. I wanted to scream. But all I could do was bite-down through the anger and whisper “I’m fine.”

That’s how I, and I’m guessing countless new dads (up to 25 percent some studies say), felt months into being a new dad. Angry and sad, with no real explanation why. I felt detached from my wife and new-born daughter, whose arrival I had so eagerly awaited. I wanted to fade away, and that’s when the alarms went off in my head. Something was wrong.

Low testosterone and depression

Paternal post-partum depression (PPPD) wasn’t something we’d been told, in preparation for our babys arrival. But it’s real. In the days leading upto the arrival of a baby, physiological changes start taking place not just in the mother, but fathers as well. Their testosterone level drops to ensure lower aggression, improved concentration, to become nurturing and to form a stronger bond with the infant. Research shows a significant correlation between low testosterone levels and depression.

There is also the fact that in the initial months after the baby is born, the mother is the primary caregiver, and the father may take a more behind-the-scenes role. And while this is in no way the rule, it is often the case in most heterosexual new parents. This may cause for friction between partners, and for me there were plenty of times I felt useless in daily matters of the baby.

Like all kinds of depression, PPPD can be treated if detected early. Speech therapy, counselling, lifestyle changes, and overall mindfulness have been shown to help. The biggest hindrance to treating PPPD is the fact that men do not have avenues to turn to when it comes to seeking treatment. Even I, despite being the Managing Director of a reputable hospital, was met with puzzled looks and deaf ears from professionals when I reached out. Brought up and conditioned to not burden anyone, most men would rather suffer in silence or turn to substance abuse than admit they have a mental affliction. A man with a broken mind cannot provide, and a man who cannot provide feels like he’s no man at all. Unless these archaic thoughts change, countless men will continue to suffer, with many even turning to suicide.

(The writer is Managing Director, Vijayalakshmi Medical Centre (Kochi). Views are personal.)